Sunday, September 20, 2020

Comment Wall

Comment Wall

The Greek God, Zeus



  1. Hi, Hunter. You have a great creative premise! I think the idea of turning the oh so petty greek gods into high schoolers couldn't be more natural. I do hope you manage to fit the gods' personalities into different high school movie trope characters. Zeus is obviously the quarterback.

    My biggest note about your introduction is that I don't quite understand what the stories will be about. Are we going to see the Victim's Club form? Are we witnessing their meetings go down? Are we seeing the stories that made them victim's? If, we're reading the stories of how they were bullied, it may not be worthwhile to include that stuff in your introduction. If we're going to be witnessing meetings, could we get a taste of what those meetings look like or what they're for?

    Again, great creative direction. I can't wait to see what you do with the premise. I'd just like to be a bit more certain about what I'm about to read.

  2. Hi Hunter!
    I love the whole club idea because it gives a sense of community and a reason to be invested in the plight of our narrators. Especially since we have a common enemy: the elites. This plot also allows for plenty of continuation since you could navigate smoothly through each character's personal story or have it told from the perspective of a new member of the club.

    I have a couple of questions though. First, what are our main characters, Leto, Medusa, Persephone, and Psyche really like? You described their physical appearances and what happened to them well, but why should we root for them? Is Leto especially kind? Is Medusa known for her generous nature? Why should your audience invest their loyalty in these poor underdogs instead of the elites? Is the line between good and bad maybe blurred where our narrators are not perfect either?
    The only thing that I would suggest is to provide more in-depth description of our narrators so that the reader can become better acquainted with them. Other than that, I love the premise of this Storybook. Excellent job!

  3. Hi Hunter! I really love the setting you chose for this story book! It makes complete sense to me that the petty Olympians would be in a high school setting. I also really like the choice to look at the bad things that the major gods did to the little people around them. I think it disrupts the narrative of how the gods are often remembered, which I think is pretty cool!

    You did have a couple grammatical issues with your introduction, though, so I would work on fixing those up. It seemed like there were one or two spots where you made an edit to the sentence structure, but forgot to finish the corrections. I make grammatical errors all the time, so I definitely get it, fixing those would just help a bit with the flow of your introduction. But I think your idea was really clever, and I'm excited to see your storybook progress!

  4. So already I am absolutely invested in this. It is a very clever Story telling platform. I like that you chose a life stage that all of us reading this have gone through. We all went to High School so we know what it is like to be a teenager. We also have all probably seen the mean girl tropes in television, movies, and books from our generation which will help your audience connect with the characters as well as understand them. There are a few grammatical errors as others have pointed out but then again, I make those mistakes all the time, especially run on sentences. Sometimes it really does help when someone kindly points them out. I like that you are sticking with mainly female deities. Female goddesses tend to be jealous and vindictive, just overall vicious... kind of like the teenage mortal female. These victim deities and creatures seem kind of like Cady Heron and Janice Ian from Mean Girls. This club of Victims could also have a guide of sorts, like a friendly Olympian teacher. That is all up to you, those were just a couple of things running through my mind when I read this.

  5. Hi Hunter! I just got done look through your page and I'm definitely excited to keep up with you as you add more pieces. As many have mentioned above, the high school setting is going to be so fun for you to create through. There countless options and examples for you to pull from and put into your story. We've all been through the hell that is high school!! I started wondering what the victims personalities were like? Are they funny, shy, nerdy, creative, boring, etc??
    I would suggest reading back through your introduction and trying to find places to break it up. Having several paragraphs isn't a bad thing. I think it would be beneficial to have a new paragraph for each of the characters' quick introduction. This will make it easier for us readers to clearly make the connection between the victim and their bully + the story. You can also use this as way to make sure you have included everything you wanted to and also double the way it reads (if it's clear, if it's jumbled) I've struggled with that last part this semester and it's an easy fix:)

  6. Hi Hunter!

    I am very intrigued by these stories. I think that it is important to tell the victim's side of the stories. For so long all we ever heard about was the gods and how they were justified in their actions but I think that you are on to an interesting point of view. I, also, like that there are gods thrown in there that are additions to the story and will make them much better but are side characters. I think it'll be interesting to see how you weave all of them together. I would like to see more punctuation. I felt like certain sentences could have used a comma to separate the actions that were happening. Also, I am excited to learn which stories of each of these you are going to write about! They all, tragically, had so much happen to them that it is a plethora of wrong-doings to choose from.

  7. Hey Hunter,

    So this is a really cool storybook so far. Your introduction page looks really nice, and you made good use of the image wheel thing. For the home page, I would suggest that you make the picture a bit longer to fill up space. Under the comment wall button it looks a bit bare.

    I enjoyed your intro, but i think that you should edit it just a bit. I think it's difficult to understand what's happening because it's wordy. Like you write, "victim's club is an array of the poor recipients of the cruel actions of their school's..." is there a more clear way to write this? Maybe make the words more simple or short. Just to make it more readable. The Victim's Club is Leo, Medusa, Persephone and Psyche right? You give a little background on them in the 2nd paragraph, but maybe if you had short paragraphs about each character it would make it easier to figure out exactly what's happening. You could have 3 or 4 sentences about Hera, then a space, then Medusa, and so on. Even if you have to repeat some of the information in the paragraphs, I think it will help make it more readable.
    I'm excited to what you do with this project! Good work!

  8. Hi Hunter!
    I love love love this storybook idea! Just the idea of creating this high school for gods type thing made me think of the lighting thief books a little bit! I’m really excited to see how this story will play out for both sides, the good guys and bad guys. Every single one of the bad guys has it out for one of the Victim’s club members and plan to ultimately hurt them as much as they can, I can’t wait to see all the drama unfold! I only had two notes for the second paragraph. The very sentence says “Hera has had it in for Leto for years,” Maybe it would sound a little better if you said, “Hera had been after Leto for years.” And the next sentence I saw says, “She was as much vain as she was stunning,” I wonder if it would flow a bit better if you just said, “She was as vain as she was stunning.” I think the ‘much’ maybe wasn’t needed! But those are just suggestions you can totally ignore me! Great job Hunter!

  9. Hi Hunter!

    Your introduction sets up your Storybook really well. I can't wait to read more of the stories. I really like how the story is kind of modernized, but the characteristics and backstories of the gods and goddesses are maintained. That was something I was interested in for one of my Storybook topics. This also kind of gives me Gossip Girl or Mean Girls vibes. I also liked how you kind of did a slideshow with the pictures. It suits the layout of your page and has a minimalistic aesthetic, which I like.
    The second paragraph confused me at first, I think because the introduction of each conflict was all in one paragraph. Maybe it would read easier if they were separated? For example, Medusa and Athena would be one paragraph, Hades and Persephone would have its own section, and so on. I would also suggest slowly rereading posts because minor errors can be easily missed. I had minor issues in my initial post that I didn’t notice even after rereading it. Just a couple of things I was unsure about: “These women meet once a month to go over hang out…” and “It is was pushed them to create their club…” Overall, this sounds like it will be a great Storybook!

  10. Hi Hunter! The title of your project is what made me interested to learn more about your stories! Wow! I loved the concept of your project. There is so much material and drama within Greek mythology, what with all of the affairs and demigod babies. I can see how the gods would have an intense time in high school to say the least. The intro does a great job of showing the reader what they are getting into. I wonder if these characters have their powers or if they are normal high school kids? If they have powers, even a school fight could obliterate the school! I'm unsure as to where you go after this story; will you establish a main character or will this group collectively have that role? What if you had the characters not have powers? It would be cool to see the god personalities come out through regular high school students, as you are already doing. This is great so far!I am excited to see the direction of this project! Keep up the good work :)

  11. Hi Hunter! From the moment I clicked on your website link, I was drawn into your story with how your website layout was. The title is intriguing, along with the background colors you chose. I like that on the home page you have a picture of the greek gods. From that image alone, I was able to reason that your website would be something about greek gods in a high school setting. Your introduction page was also set up really well. I love the sliding feature you used in order to show off multiple images. For the actual introduction itself, I really enjoyed reading it. If you are looking to make revisions, you should consider giving more explanation to who the people are and how they arrived in the club. Not everyone knows the history of the greek gods, so a quick refresher would be good. Other than that, great job with the introduction!

  12. Hi Hunter!
    I am super excited for your story book and to read it to its fullness. I think you have a really fun and interesting concept and take on these characters. I do have a couple things that are a little unclear that might be worth looking at? One thing would be if this takes place in and at a high school, why would the meetings for these characters only be once a year? I feel as if like many clubs they could have more than one a year because then in their high school careers they would have only met 4 times and that seems far too short to get extremely personal as I believe your characters will be.I think that another aspect that could enhance your writing would be to add more of a personality description to your characters to make the reader feel more connected and that they should be on their side. I am super excited to see what you are going to do with this book though, and cannot wait for the next installment!

  13. Hi Hunter,

    I picked your storybook from the class list because your title caught my attention. As I clicked on your storybook, the home page popped up and I was very pleased. The header of the dark ocean was really cool. I also liked the picture of the greek people on the steps.

    After reading your introduction, I was immediately hooked. Olympus High SchooL? That's genius and right up my ally of entertainment! I also love how you focused on the "victims" instead of the actual heroes.

    I am not sure how you did this, but the four photos that you could click through was the coolest thing ever! I have not seen that in anyone else's storybook, so I am just so awestruck. I can't wait to see what other cool tricks you come up with!

    I am really looking forward to reading your first story at Olympus High School! Keep up the fantastic work!


  14. Hi Hunter,
    I am excited to read stories from your storybook, because your storybook title caught my attention. . I like how you added multiple pictures on your story book, I don’t know how you did this, but it made your page look cool. Also, after reading the introduction i noticed you will be written about Greek mythology, and I am a very big fan of Greek mythology. On your introduction you those women were going to meet once a month to discuss, aren't they supposed to meet every day because it's supposed to be a high school, right? I also think you could have described a little bit more your characters in the introduction so we can have an idea of what type of personality each one of them have. Maybe tell us how they met and how they got to be part of the club. Overall great job and I can’t wait to read your first story.


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